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Dichotomy - where I vent and rant when I'm blue, red, or even purple.Kamran Zargahi
Things We Lose in Fire
People come in different flavors: smart, greedy, careless, benign, pretentious, incomprehensible, selfish, influential, compassionate, cold, amiable, iffy, flaky, fair, snappy, reasonable, boring, trustworthy. They come and go in waves and in different wavelengths. Though, there seem to be a very tiny set of individuals who leave you in a moral maze, forcing you to enrich your talent for survival, and teach you to cut and run from cut-and-run. Trust as the main ingredient of friendship, evolves! By definition, trust is an act of reliance that establishes predictability in our interactions. Unfortunately, trust and its associated credit is highly fragile. There is this accepted notion that: it only takes one moment of doubtful encounter to fracture a trustworthy relationship, which is usually something that’s taken years to establish ... “Oh yeah, absolutely correct!” people respond to that notion. People even don’t blink to agree with such idea as if it’s a tenet. Well, it is not, it’s only a human behavior that’s become a mediocre norm. The rush to discredit is rooted in our insecurity and is more or less, a protective mechanism. One of the most common patterns of breaking trust is when people get into heated arguments. We always lose things when there is fire. But, there are those teeny-tiny set of individuals who teach you lessons by being on the abnormal side of the norm. My late friend Hamid was one of them. He left us four years ago. There are many attributes and traits of his that could describe him, but certainly, the most intriguing and unique characteristic of his, was the fact that he was forgiving. So much so that, he never expected to predict his friends behaviors, but he trusted them anyway. He always put all the weight on himself, and never expected much from others. He was sincere, but perhaps, too sincere for his own good. His transition to the better place was our fire, and his presence was what we lost in that fire. Hamid is now smiling. When someone smiles, it's a disconcerting cause for celebration … Cheers, Rife TracksIt has become such repetitive theme and like a broken record. They listen to the music and ask “Who is this? Where can I get it from?”. So I decided to add another list to the blog on the top-right side and call it “Rife Tracks”. The name of the songs and artists are provided, and are clickable. The idea was born based on the feedback from: Shelli Rebecca Behnam Tanya Aida Lisa Il PostinoComplexity kills! Except for, rejuvenating complexities of an artistic expression. An article requires balanced choice of words, smooth flow, and relevance of sentences. A smart piece of writing includes internal references and an element of surprise - where the main message isn’t lost in all the innovative features. A perfect script is an awfully multifaceted and complex piece of art. Visual arts go down as a sea of complexities all by their own merits. Involvement of three dimensional (and in some cases moving) objects, light patterns reflected from those objects, and creativity drawn in representation by means of lines and colors, are only a few aspects of a dreadfully convoluted process called visual arts. Music is ultimately an expression of the feelings and inner-thoughts that can’t be verbally expressed. The process of composing music requires an initial structure, position of highs and lows, tempo, rhythm, and melody. All all of the above should be organized in time and on top of sonic qualities of texture and reverberation. Combining script writing, visual arts, and music formulates cinema. Set aside, shooting, editing, and theatrical aptitude. It is by all means a complex process. The History of a Sign (original name: Historia de Un Letrero) is a six minutes short film presented in Cannes Film Festival. Every time you watch this short movie, there is something new to discover. The music (by Ennio Morricone), the message, focus on shoes, the beggar, and the flow of the story are all there to convey a message. It may move you to tears in the end, but the main story hides deep in the references of the film to Il Postino. Enjoy!
Highball GlasswareWebster defines the word “Perfect” as : not lacking or faulty in any particular. It implies the soundness and the excellence of every part, element, meeting all requirements, or quality of a thing frequently as an unattainable or theoretical state. Perfect is being complete of its kind and without defect or blemish. There are many requirements to a perfect party. People, food, music, drinks, venue, time, … to call a few. And on top of all that, the art of harmonizing it all together to create good times. Now, why people would serve caviar in a paper plate is beyond me. To clarify, I don’t like caviar. It is too heavenly for guys like me – who dearly dig chicken wings and beer. But, I can’t help myself not thinking about the details and logic behind the decisions that led to the combination of “caviar” and “paper plate”. Most definitely, caviar is an expensive delicacy, so money hasn’t been an issue. It also makes people who provide it look upmarket and luxuriant. Caviar in a paper plate, leaves me with the only option of thinking that the host is both pretentious and lazy -- as s/he doesn't want to worry about the dishes afterward. As I said, I really don’t care about caviar but I do take my drinks very seriously. No one can ever ask me to drink beer in a wine glass or a plastic cup. I refuse to do it. The whole concept is flawed by definition to say the least. If one wants to throw a perfect party, one needs at least four types of glassware:
On a more serious note, the gap between “good” and “perfect” isn’t much. One flawed particular, qualification, or requirement is enough to make a perfect thing, a good one. This concept applies to every aspect of our lives, not just the parties. Purple BeachesThe weather and the confluence of some events have made me focus on significance of several insignificant trends. Some individuals never fail to fascinate me, especially when it comes to their choices in social settings. At times, people make choices in order to be perceived in certain way by design. But there are times when they just want to be comfortable, so the driving force behind the choice is their contentment. I, personally, find the former funnier than the latter – when things go wrong. Either way, this is how I perceive you if you act in certain way:
Be more amazed!
You, Me, and a Beer
It’s been a long time since my last posting. Generally, I write because writing allows me to be relentless. Through the process of writing, I can accurately unravel things and put them back together. That's a hazardous exercise. Like any other creative process, writing could be fragile because you’re always at the edge - trying to constantly reassess the danger-free zone. In that context, first hand experimentation of the things we write about, could be destructive in real life - because mystery could simply become confusion. The fact is, I started posting my writings on this blog because I wanted some people to read them. In a mischievous way, I have been hoping that some people would read my postings more than others. Because, there has always been a real story behind everything I wrote. Except, I’ve been unfailingly faithful to "the code" of not mentioning names. Because, the discussion should always be about the problem and not about the people. Last weekend, I had a come-to-Jesus moment with myself. I thought I can't stop writing just because it takes a long time and great deal of energy to abstract problems away from people ... ... every good idea starts like a boutique. You do your thing in the corner, and you get noticed after a while. And then, the attention becomes a problem either by the virtue of perception, or by the state of preference. I know my writing style could be perceived as if I critique a great deal. But read my postings as if: it is just you, me, and a beer ... Chronic Mistakes
There are so many favorable ways to learn lessons from your efforts in life, repeated mistakes is not one of them. Serial mistakes leave me finding that few things are more depressing and exasperating than making the same mistake, again. The fact is that we all love to repeat our mistakes - not because there is any doubt that the suggestion seems risky, but because one tends to "hope" that he will do it right the next time around.
The dynamic nature of human synergy provides a slippery setting, where the same mistakes are made without any awareness of the occurrence along the way. Characters swap, faces switch, and the tones of the language fiddle with what happens to make you feel cherished. Outside of the magical fairy tale land however, it is the same quagmire. People come around for certain things, and they apply different strategies to acquire them. Sadly, it is tantalizingly close to the end when you confront with the reality: you've made yet one more wrong judgment of the character and ability of another person.
Media shoves "hope" down our throats as a survival mechanism, or as a revolutionary idea to depression. But the fact of the matter is that no progress is made without pain. True, some mistakes worth making ... but, it's also true that prevention is better than correction. For me, chronic mistakes are an outdated idea. The unpredictable and dynamic nature of human interactions are no longer an excuse for my lack of diligence. Submitting to a Shotgun WeddingSeattle grows on you. The grumpy weather, everyone's tendency to cocoon, and of course the polite but distant Seattleites with the attitude of "have a nice day, somewhere else". The last one being the most interesting subject for me as it feeds my fussy and choosy tendencies. Seattleites mostly commune through talking to coworkers or someone random - hoping the conversation will last beyond the third sentence. Women go to brunch or happy hours, with potential friends, being just like "Sex and the City" she'll be Charlotte, you'll be Carrie! Guys drink local hoppy beer with bitterness and aroma in the corner bars with wooden stools. "Seattle is like that popular girl in high school. The one who gets your vote for homecoming queen because she always smiles and says hello. But she doesn't know your name and doesn't care to". In such city, if you're a product of your environment, the concept of friendship tips over to something new that's reminiscent of submitting to a shotgun wedding, rather than picking your suitor. In Seattle, friends are mostly of fellow transplants. They are very nice in passing situations, but beyond that there's a wall, and there is mistrust. In other cities or countries, there are people around you constantly. They come over and hang out and then they hang out some more. Those are the times you really get to know people and develop friendship. Friendship is a byproduct of trust, awareness of feelings of others, and to a lesser extent: frequent interaction no matter how deep or meaningful. You can take the bar for friendship as high/low as you want, you can categorize people to friends, acquaintance, or best friends, and you can play with words as much as you want, but, there is value and a sense of appreciation in a familiar face. That's just human nature. It leaves me all baffled about what friendship will look like in a few years in this carefree city. It seems like it's declining in quality, even though I now have a few hundred online friends who poke me everyday. Indication of a BrainThe other day, I sat down with a friend to talk about a problem. While having a beer, I described the context, told the story, and explained my issues with some of the details of the story. I also rationalized that those issues bother me because they're fundamentally against my values. He listened to me for almost half an hour. I thought I actually did a pretty good job laying out my case - naively hoping, he would draw his own conclusions and that would help me get a balancing perspective on the issues. Instead, his response was "What doesn't kill you, make you stronger" and then silence ... I felt betrayed and was one second away from saying "no shit!" ... I was looking for the smallest indication of a brain on the other side. Arguments and discussions, if carried out logically, are the most educating forms of communication. They usually include facts, premises, and assumptions. A logical and practical way of getting engaged in a discussion is to accept the facts, validate the assumptions, and embrace or argue against the premises. That'd be a meaningful discussion. People have become so consumed and comfortable with empty expressions that add no value to the conversation. Hollow phrases and proverbs like "Life is short", "Everything happens for a reason", and "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" do not hold any logical or commonsensical significance in any discussion because they can be an answer to anything - without actually validating, embracing, or challenging any specifics. There is no doubt that the value of a story or discussion resides in its details. One feels heard and listened to when the listener reflects on the details of the narrative. To make it a little more fun, let me actually prove that some of these proverbs are incomplete, inaccurate, and/or incorrect: "Life is short" : Whose life? How short is short? Two years or hundred years? Lack of what specification makes our lives short? If each of us could live two hundred years, would that be long enough? Is life short for having more fun, or is it short for collecting more knowledge? The fact is that life is not that short, it's not even relatively short in comparison with the life of a butterfly. The people who use this expression are the ones who want to make an excuse to be less thoughtful and more irresponsible. "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" : What does "strong" mean? Physical or mental strength? Are we only talking about physical death? How about emotional or mental death? Are people really stronger after massive emotional or mental declines? Heroin addiction doesn't immediately kill you, but while you're alive are you stronger because of it? Have you ever experienced or felt the prolong pain involved in loss of a child? Psychological and mental research of parents who have lost a child proves that they are less resilient and more vulnerable against emotional hardship. They are never emotionally stronger for the rest of their lives. "Everything happens for a reason" : Everything does not happen for "a reason". Everything happens for multiple reasons and that's the root of Einstein's relative theory. The challenge isn't to find out whether or not there are reasons. The challenge is to know the quantity and nature of those reasons and the direction thru which you can identify them. Individuals who believe in this proverb generally find themselves in hard situations. They tend to think there is a "good" reason behind a "bad" incident. The contrast of a "good thing" versus a "bad incident" that is presently in occurrence, makes them believe that something good will eventually happen in the future, and that is the prize of the current hardship. They're also comfortable not knowing what that "good thing" is, and of course always, "something good" will happen which somewhat relates to the "bad incident". This comforting connection justifies the relevance of this proverb. Most of the people who believe in this expression, also believe that we are all actors on a stage with predestined parts and scripts. Everything has been designed. Life is about finding the missing pieces, fixing the broken pieces, and getting rid of the pieces that don't fit. They are not adept to abstract thinking, they find huge comfort in black and white way of thinking. Do I have Enough?I have been asking myself some serious questions lately. Kind of keeping it real. No matter how strong your conviction are, if you have a touch of humility, you should suspect or at minimum reexamine your opinions and principles - every now and then. To keep myself in check, my personal rule has always been: if it takes you more than one minute to identify an asshole around you, then you are the asshole. See You SoonGuys often read in magazines and hear from female friends that women obsessively analyze and look for hidden meanings in every casual utterance that men make, but men don't really believe it to be true. Such analysis actually scares men. For instance, when a guy dashes off "See You Soon" at the end of the conversation, the last thing in his mind is that such inconsequential note would end up being dissected in a therapy session - or discussed during three and half hours of conversation at the corner bar and over a glass of cheap rose. The sad truth is that "see you soon" doesn't mean anything at all. It doesn't mean he likes you or he doesn't like you or even that he will see you soon, or he won't. It is a phrase that ends the conversation as meaningful as "later" or "best". It is a code to show that the message has ended. It might as well be "bye". It has no emotional or practical significance whatsoever. In that context, the true indicator of a guy's feelings is not what formula he chooses to close his letters with, but the fact that he hasn't called or emailed you. Men don't really require such fine analysis. You'll know it when a guy is asking you out, for instance. He will do it like "Would you like to have dinner with me?" or "You wanna grab a bite?" depending on who you choose to hang out with. This is as multi-layered as it gets with a half decent guy. Human beings are obsessed with alleged reasons and pretext because such concepts provides them with means that could be comfortably and incorrectly perceived as wisdom or quality sense of judgment. The fact, however, is that alleged reasons remain to be as valid as prestidigitation or cold-reading! My Next LifeI don't know the source if this piece but I found it interesting enough to post it on my blog. Cinema ParadisoI don't watch entertaining movies or shows. I have never watched Star Wars, or even one Episode of Seinfield which is not to say that they can't be entertaining. I've come to the conclusion that what's valuable for me is to set standards for what I choose to watch, not to just watch any popular film. Such choice is not an end point, it is a beginning point which decries the idea that entertainment is all there is in movies. Movies could work as a form of entertainment, but fundamentally they don't. Because they sufficiently conform to the "pop culture", a trend I've strongly and passionately detested for such long time. That being said, let me suggest some movies that provide a better idea as to what my point is: - Smoking Aces, by: Joe Carnahan - A Good Year, by: Ridley Scott - Men at Work, by: Mani Haghighi - Youth without Youth, by: Francis Ford Coppola - Married Life, by: Ira Sacks - Dancing with Shiva, by: Jonathan Demme - When Did You Last See Your Father, by: Anand Tucker - The Diving Bell and The Butterfly, by: Julian Schnabel - The Witnesses, by: Andre Techine Truth ParadoxHave you ever felt like life is mentally grueling on you? Sitting home whining and crying why me? Poor me! ... continuing on recalling every reason that justifies: you're the most miserable fuck in the history of mankind! You feel like you're coming back from your own funeral! Back in 1991 when I was a student in university of Toronto, my quantum physics professor was Mr. Richards (he insisted on being called Mr. Richards) who was from Scotland. I loved his accent when I understood what the hell he was saying. I specially loved the way he would pronounce Time as "Tame" and at times asking "Whaar's yer boke?". He looked like a concerned fox who dressed for Star Wars convention. One day and in the middle of the semester, he expanded on twin paradox, in which a person who makes a journey into space in a high-speed rocket will return home to find they have aged less than an identical twin brother who stayed on Earth. This experiment has been verified and is confirmed by many inventions around us. On that day and after the twin paradox class, I stopped Mr. Richard in the hallway and impishly asked "Mr. Richards, which one of the two brothers is lying?". He replied "Neither, they're both correct in their own perspective". I continued by saying "it can't be, we know what the facts are and we know the measurements. "Oh yeah!?" he replied and continued "That's your perspective Kaam, and welcome to the world of many true and accurate perspectives, you young man". He then judiciously turned around and walked away thru the long hallway while was still staring straight thru my eyes and shaking his head that looked like a half crushed watermelon. Now and after nearly sixteen years, I'm forced to remember that lesson every day. The truth is, we are unsure about the truth. Facts are subjective and depend on interpretation and perspective. Miserable days come and go! The truth of the matter, if exists, always lies somewhere in the middle of the mess. A few things are for sure though, never believe in someone who talks about Life more than Love! Never listen to anyone who doesn't believe in truth paradox. Never trust anyone who presses on utter bliss. Gum-Chewing Dismissal
A relationship can span from a work association to an intimate affair. The way people end a relationship reveals deep inside who they are! If someone can deal with the ending of something with the same level of care and gentleness as the beginning of it, that will speak to a deep seeded strength and profound consideration for things that don't necessarily benefit him or her.
How Machiavellian Are You?
Do you think: eHarmony eMale
I'm usually fascinated by subjects that don't immediately urge me to place an opinion. Online dating is one of those ... a few weeks ago, I had dinner with an old friend and during our long conversation she said "I've put a profile on one of these dating sites and I go on a lot of dates with strange guys". For some unknown reason our conversation temporarily got to a tongue-tied place after that disclosure ... Love by concept, is highly circumstantial and contingent. They are few and far between, but there are people out there whose introductions reflect their personality in ways which are rare, fictitious, and unique. Filled with visual appeal and literary charm, they break preconceived molds allowing the world to get a glimpse of their matchlessness and substance. I still can't frame my mind around the subject despite the fact that there are not many things that make me happier than knowing one of my friends has found a committed lover. The Big Man Theory of Life
The Tyranny of Conformity"Conformity" implies a very interesting notion! It's one of those concepts that can serve many topics and make them seem flawed and perfect, both at the same time! "Conformity" keeps provoking controversy and divisiveness. There are lectures that speak about "Conformity Controversy" where the argument is that: conforming to personal values holds merit -- but social conformity, well, complicated! Those who benefit most from normalcy and routine are naturally the most interested in stagnation, and they always try to seek allies in the traditional and established arrangements. Sometimes conformity is because of lack of courage. Many people suppress their ideas, hopes, and dreams because they're afraid to stand out and draw attention to themselves. Conformity always includes a threat of punishment if you fail to fit in, whether it comes from ridicule, being ignored by others, or direct confrontation. In today's society, mainstream and pop culture are the forces of conformity. These elements vehemently spread and defend the notion of "more is better" -- whether "more" means more money, greater power, or better social status. Being who and what you are is the most natural thing there is. To suppress it, whether through fear, yielding to social norms, or lack of confidence in your own ability always leads to trouble. That's why millions of people today lead lives of frustration and desperation. They denied who they are in the hope that they would be rewarded by conforming to cushy social routines. Unexpectedly, their reward was mediocrity, depression and a nagging sense of hopelessness. In such environment, a subgroup of conformists rebel out here and there - and want to be different. They call themselves non-conformists but they are just maladjusted to status quo. Outstanding thinkers and intellectuals are alike in two things: they're usually non-conformists on an epic scale, and they display a deep trust in the basic goodness, intelligence, and capacity for development of their fellow human beings. In my view, conformity implies a fundamental mistrust of others. I believe there's a more fundamental power behind the urgency with which authoritarian popularity seeks to suppress individuality. That power is lack of trust. " ... For as long as humans have existed, non-conformists have had a rough time! Society seems to need and fear non-conformists in equal measure. The forces of the status quo have always been strong. So when society forces you into a bland or acceptable mold, you naturally turn elsewhere to find an outlet to maintain your own uniqueness. For a very tiny group, that's what matters most! Only those with the courage openly to live their dreams can ever hope to find lasting satisfaction with their lives. After all, mediocrity and inner frustration are the true price of conforming ... " Music & MeLast Saturday, I pensively walked into the Silver Platters store in downtown Seattle hoping to find the new album from Keane. The place, which has zillions of CD racks, looks like the creepy warehouse in Sopranos where James Gandolfini (Soprano) and Tony Sirico (Paulie) go to whack one of Johnny Sack's guys. In a bedazzled and trancelike moment, while listening to a groovy background song from Chris Rea, something surreal popped into my head. I thought, if music says things that words cannot, what are those things? They have to have something to do with our most intimate experiences and deepest feelings. Looking at the CD racks, I overdramatically thought how many hearts have been broken for these many track? Who betrayed who? Who lost a dear one? Who's had a thorny upbringing? Who's been mad, sad, or frustrated? Who's in love? Who fell out of love? Who's about to fall in love? Who's in pain as a result of others' pain? Like every other aspects of our lives these things are hard to define. Love, hate, betrayal, deception, birth, infidelity, and loss of a dear one will introduce experiences of such effects - where one can only express his/her stance and posture thru the harmony of inner voices from a sea of possibilities. Music has a long pedigree of transforming individuals, I don't relate to people who take it absentmindedly! Even Paulie liked good music.
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